Delays

Date: 17 January 2009

Time: 5.26 PM

Location: Gate P5, LCCT, Kuala Lumpur

The air is dense with anticipation. Everyone wants to know when we will be boarding. Air Asia.. what to do… want to save money.. have to put up with such things ler.. hehe… I’ve been here for 4 days, and every single day has been awesome days. Meeting old friends, and getting to know “new” friends… Today, I’ll be leaving KL for another few weeks, maybe months. I’m not sure when I will be back here. Hopefully, the next time I come over this side, I’ll be coming here to report for work.

It’s really amazing how everything turned out, how every detail has been thought out by Dad. I want to thank everyone who prayed for me, I really appreciate your time and how you cared so much. The interview was awesome, I couldn’t believe how it was so much like a chat with a good friend, and not something tough. The interviewer basically had that time to get to know who I was and what I wanted to do. Amazing eh? Praise Father who went before me, and made the way much easier for me. Thank God for Elvina who showed me how to get around the office too. Hehe..

I wonder when this flight is going to take off. It’s supposed to have taken off like 35 minutes ago. I should be on my way home de!!!!

Alright! They just called to board! Look forward to be home and continue blogging. Hehe…

Awesome one

I was at the Passion world tour in KL a few months back, and Pastor Louie said something about a video titled Indescribable.

Last week, I had the opportunity to watch it.

I was awestruck.

Speechless, amazed and in awe.

Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name
You are amazing God

All powerful, untamable
Awestruck we fall to our knees and we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart, Yet you love me the same
You are amazing God
~Indescribable by Chris Tomlin~

Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? - Isaiah 40:12

PASSION - Kuala Lumpur

**sATurday Night**

The night before, I didn't sleep, I went to bed at about 4 am in the morning after putting my laundry up to dry. Set 4 alarm times, then took a short moment and prayed that God will wake me up to get ready to leave for the drive down to KL.

**sUNday Morning**

Got up at 8.50, then rushed to get ready to leave UTP. The drive was kinda long lah... John, Melissa and myself kinda got nothing much to talk about after brunch and we started talking about having costume parties in church! Anyways, we made it to KL at around lunch time.

We spent the afternoon, walking around Sunway Pyramid, shopping (window shopping lah), eating, and *pause* Show la pictures of lunch first...

This is what Melissa ordered, Chicken and something Cannelloni

Soft shell crab spaghetti

and Chicken Cannelloni (very creamy pasta)

John going to eat...

John distracted by Melissa

Then poses for the picture

SO... after lunch, we walked around summore, looked for Jack, went to the toilet, and I tried to meet up with the Bethany gang before the conference was a total failure lah. Didn't know where they were, and somehow we were just going different directions

At around 4 pm, people were already lining up waiting to get into the conference hall. By 5 pm, I was there with the Bethany "crowd". So glad to see all of them again. Just had a few minutes of catching up and after taking a few photos and more waiting and sweating, we were running (not running la.. just pushed everyone in front through the gate faster) with the crowd into the conference hall.

*my eyes look super small.. >< (The pic is kinda blur so please dun enlarge.. thanks)

Chia Ming helped us take a few pictures... *Just make sure can see the Passion banner ya..*

Jack and Mark

The place was buzzing with excitement, and I was excited too, but I didn't know about what. I wanted to know what God is going to do in the conference that night. Will it be just another concert, another conference?

After Chris Tomlin lead the first few songs, Louie came up to introduce us to Passion and what they are all about. When he got us to pray in groups of three, I could feel the presence of God so strong in that place, and I knew that God wanted to do something there, that God is going to do something in that conference that night.

The sermon that night was short and it was about grace, what we could not do, God did for us. And also a little part about why we are crazy sometimes, and I mean CRAZY! It really changed my perception about shouting, jumping and praising God in a way that we express ourselves to the ultimate, because God showed us His ULTIMATE love.

The message of God's grace was one that I have heard much, one that I have been very careful around, and last night, I realized the grace for me was as great as the grace He showed to other people. I have always felt inferior, and wanted more attention from God, like I wanted God to highlight me or something like that, but last night I realized that God has already loved me so much, I am already highlighted. I am already in His priority list, just as everyone else is. We are all important, and I feel that until we realize that for ourselves, we will never understand it no matter how many times people tell us.

Ashley's story was one that touched the core of my heart. Sometimes, I feel myself as such a "screw up" and doubt if God can forgive someone like me, or can accept someone like me, or change someone like me? The answer is YES He can, YES He can, YES He can! Ashley's life in Christ might be short in our eyes, but it accounted for much, it made Jesus known, she lived a life that made Jesus famous.

That was our prayer that night, that we would live a life that shines the name of Jesus, that we live a life worthy of Christ.

Isaiah 26:8 -

Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts.

Yes God, for Your name and renown are the desires of my heart.

In a sentence, I would say the conference was awesome, life changing, heart changing, a reminder of why I go to church every Sunday, why I want to live my life as a Christian.

After the messages, we had more music, praising, and worshipping and praying for the city. God is awesome!

We came, we saw, and we were changed!

Greater things are yet to come, greater things are yet to be done.

God is the God of KL, the God of this nation, Malaysia!

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Be a part of this movement and visit the Passion blog

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P/S: Jakarta, we are praying for you! May God do in your hearts what he has done in ours...and may you rise up too as a generation for your city and your nation!

I doubted

I forgot Your goodness to me.

I forgot of Your faithfulness.

I doubted You. I remembered Your words.

but I didn't believe them totally.

 

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Thank You Father for Your goodness

Your forgiveness. I must not take them for granted.

Details

When God calls, He doesn't usually give you all the details as to what you need to do. Why? Because He wants you to follow Him DAILY. ~ God is more interested in a love relationship with you than He is in what you can do for Him. His desire is for you to love Him.

Excerpts from Experiencing God

I used to think that loving God = doing God's work. Now I realize, God's work, is His assignment for you, not a measure of your love for Him, or His love for you. God has always focused on the relationship while I have always focused on what I can do for Him. He is not interested in the work that I can do for Him, but He is interested in me spending time with Him. This brings new light to the story where Mary who chose to sit at Jesus feet to listen to what He has to say, and Martha who was worried and distracted with all that she has to prepare for Jesus. Won't you agree? Be blessed~

God is indeed great!

Letting in.

This morning, I awoke with thoughts running in my head, thinking and thinking. Of the things that I have done, of my struggles and what I'm going through. I asked myself, why is God not so evident in my life lately.

I looked at the things that are happening to me, and when I saw the book Experiencing God, I remembered 1 thing. That if we want to experience God, we have to allow him into our lives. Allowing God into our lives means to let God be a part of our lives. Letting God know what is happening in our lives, even when we know that He already knows it!

Being with God is a relationship, and part of nurturing that relationship is by telling Him our coming in and our going out. I learnt that we make it difficult for God to be a part of our lives when we communicate with Him, we just say a few words, when He asks us 5 questions, we just answer with 1 word, I guess it will pretty much hurt God because it just shows very plainly that we are not very interested in talking to Him.

Today, I feel very distant from You God, I honestly do. I feel like the void in my heart has gotten bigger the last few weeks. I have tried to fill the void with many things that are temporary. With things that I know are of no substance, no weight. God, I regret the times when I did not make the extra effort to "let you in" to my life. Today, I resolve this God; I want to make an effort to spend time with You. I want to make an effort to make everyday a day that is worthy to be offered to You as my offering to You. God, I want to spend everyday in Your presence, I know that right now, I am weak, but I stand not on my own strength, but on Your grace. I stand not on my on faith, but on your everlasting faithfullness to me. Without You, I am just air, I make no impact, no significance. God, I want to let you IN my life.

Sidetracking

I have been running away from Your discipline.
While at the same time, I ask that You teach me to be more like You.

I want the easy way to You,
But no one ever said the road that leads to eternal life is easy.

I want to be brave and stay where You want me to stay,
Sit where you want me to sit, and listen to You.

I thank you for the weekend of encouragement,
of speaking to me, reminding me of the ultimate goal.

I have faith to believe You have heard my prayers,
The desires of my heart are all known to You.

I have nothing to hide from You,
Nor can I hide anything from You.

A season of testing, is what I must pass to grow,
A season of trusting, is what I must learn now.
A season of believing, is what I have in You,
A season of discipline, is how I become stronger.

I thank you Abba Father,
I love you Abba Father.

Rest if you must, but don't you quit

The weeks and months had been unforgiving
Straining every muscle,
I strive to stay above the water line

Going below every now and then
My breath becomes shallower and shorter
The pain is sometimes intense, while at times,
I'm just too tired to tell the difference.

Indeed You have been faithful.
Tho I turned away, Your hands were there for me
When I cried out, You were never too far away

A little step is not enough I say
I must push more!
I must do more; prove myself worthy
But You said rest!

Running around aimlessly,
I declined when You offer help.
How foolish am I?
Has my little heart not known?
If You are for me, who can be against me?

I am weak,
I need Your grace
Let me curl up in Your arms,
Teach me to rest in You

21

I'm 21 already!

A milestone in my life. I've learn't so much, experienced so much, but still, there is so much more! Can't help but be excited about God's plans when I think of Him.

Thank you Father, for taking me through all these years, for loving me all this while, being patient with me. Showing me your light whenever I am lost, picking me up whenever I fall, and carrying me whenever I'm too weak to do anything.

Looking forward to another wonderful year with You!


Want to thank everyone who remembered my birthday, and wished me.

Home

I want to be where you are,
In Your presence I am free, blessed and loved.

I want to spend my days in Your arms,
In your embrace, I am free, blessed and loved.

I want to run after You,
Guided by You, I am free, blessed and loved.

Grey Clouds

Coming to Penang seemed like a dream come true. I thought that when I come here, I'd have less problems, I'd be more matured in my walk with God, that I'd be able to live a carefree life. When I came to Penang, I moved into a very beautiful condominium in Persiaran Bayan Baru, with a beautiful view from my room, I said to myself, "This is it! My own room with swimming pool view!". Carefree is out the window at the moment, feel that I'm holding on to so many things that I have lost focus. I don't know where to channel all my energy, I want to spend more time with Father, but I just don't have the motivation at times, and just plain lazy at times. Sometimes, I feel like this struggle with my own desires, and what I know should be done is easy as eating a piece of cake, but still, too many a time, I still lose the battle. Strangely, there are times, I can tell myself,

"There are 2 ways you can look at this life, be miserable and sorry for yourself and sit in your own sadness and rot there, or pick yourself up, put on a new suit, and start walking even if it's slower than a crawl, walk..."

No matter what hardships I face, I still have things to thank Father for. His gentleness, patience and grace in dealing with this stubborn, hard, rigid, thick skinned, thick skulled child of His. Though I may choose to turn away from Father, there He stands, extending His arms of love to me. "Father, forgive me for my hard ways, break me if that is what it takes. I have been running around, disobeying You, making my own rules, and worst of all, there are times that I have taken you for granted." I want to thank Father for His grace over my life, showing me His love that melts even the coldest heart, break the hardest walls and brings down all self pride.

I feel bored at work today, nearly over a week, I have nothing much to do, most of the times, I have been waiting, waiting, and waiting.. Waiting for this person to give me feedback, waiting for this to come, waiting for that to come. Sometimes, I just want to go home and sleep. Isn't it better than sitting on my desk doing everything non beneficial? Most of what i do is wait for 11.30 for lunch and then after that wait for 5.20 to walk out of the office gates.

Oh ya, if you guys haven't noticed, I'm also contributing to another blog Caramel Chocolate Swirls. My sister started this blog, and I have been invited to contribute to it. For now, it will be mostly about her wedding. I'm so happy for her, and also happy that she has included me in the preparation for her big and special day. I would try my best in doing the photo slide show.

Guess it's like how Danny put it... "if we look at all the miserable things in life, we will never be happy." if we worry about all the little things in life, we will have no life. Saying that I want to live a life of "carefree" in God is harder than it sounds. I thought that it's so easy to just live without worry, but sometimes, we just can't help it but worry, and think that we know better than God does.

Psalm 91

My Psalm 91


Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.


This I declare about the LORD:

You alone are my refuge, my place of safety;
for You are my God and I trust you.
For You will rescue me from every trap
and protect me from deadly disease

You will cover me with Your feathers.
You will shelter me with Your wings
Your faithful promises are my armor and protection

I will not be afraid of the terrors of the night
nor the arrows that flies in the day
I will not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday

Though a thousand fall at my side,
though ten thousand are dying around me,
these evils will not touch me.

I will open my eyes,
and see how the wicked are punished.

For if I make the LORD my refuge,
if i make You my shelter,
no evil will conquer me;
no plague will come near my home

For You will order Your angels
to protect me wherever I go
They will hold me up with their hands
so I won't even hurt my foot on a stone.

I will trample upon lions and cobras;
I will crush fierce lions and serpents under my feet!

The LORD says,"I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name
When they call on me, I will answer;

I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation."

This is the Word of God, His words, that have been said to me. Thank you Father for your great promises to me. I will rest in you, hide under the shadow of Your wings. Let me not do anything that will displease You. In Jesus name - Amen!

Heart

What is the heart?

There might be 2 different 'hearts' as i know. The physical heart, which pumps blood around in your body, and another heart, which is where you experience all your emotions. The heart that pumps blood around your body is complex, yet, not as complex as your 'other' heart. My heart is feeling a lot of different emotions all at the same time! It's like an overdose of different drugs or something like that. Is this what it means to have a change of heart, there has to be some wound, then great pain, then healing. ?


God made me a complex being, a being with a unique blend of attitude, emotions, and the way I make decision. It's so complex that I don't even understand myself now.


Sometimes, I feel so 'screwed' up, sometimes, i feel that I'm doing the right thing, sometimes, I just feel like my heart has been thorn into shreds, sometimes, it feels like it's gonna burst.


Even though I feel a little delirious at times, I still believe in my heart, that God will carry me through this period of time, through this season, and that I will arise from this stronger, and more matured. I will need all the prayer and support form you guys. I really need to feel Jesus here with me right now.

Letting Go Is Not Easy...

There are many things in life that you come across and at a certain point in time, you realise that it isn't right and you have to let it go, but sometimes you find it just so hard to let go. Especially if it's a person.

Oh Lord, may You hold my hands and lead me in Your ways, that I will let go of the things and people that I have to let go, no matter how precious they might have been to me, or how they have been so much a part of my life. Lead me to the cross where we first met, that I might crucify my flesh and live for You everyday.